I'm in school to become a hospital chaplain. Recently finished training to be a volunteer visitor at a local hospital, and today was my first day visiting patients alone, rather than "shadowing" someone else. Am scheduled every Sunday afternoon for the duration.

I did a little volunteer-visiting at a different hospital a few years ago, and remember it as something I really wanted to do, but that I felt pretty shy and awkward about, too (in addition to being an energy sponge). I expected this time around to be the same, and, just before going in this afternoon (just after, too, come to think), found myself downing...crapola! I think to make me feel...bolstered? Energetically protected? Alert? Something like those.

The day actually went beautifully. It felt so much more natural than I'd expected. Each person I spent time with was open, kind, generous and tolerant of my weird need to listen to them. (Guess I'm also still an energy sponge, though, had to take a shower when I got home.)

I can't just dismiss this crap-eating compulsion around visiting patients. It's there for some reason, and I don't think banning it will help in the long run. I sense it might be better to let it live for now, praying about it and trying to understand it, and see what happens.

By the same logic I could end up eventually eating crap every workday as a chaplain, though, and we can't have that. In the interest of longterm sustainability, as they say, I've decided that for the time being, on Sundays I can eat some crap 1) if I want to, 2) if I do it with prayer and attention, 3) if most of what I eat that day is raw, and 4) if I have an end-date in mind for eating crap on days I go to the hospital. That end date will be Dec. 31, 2012. I'm going to try to eat much better during the rest of the week from now on, too. Volunteer Sundays are a free day for now, though, and you'll know it by the photo above.